The Jeff Booth Show

Internet Radio with Pictures

Show Transcripts

October 25th, 2009

You can contact us at:

Jeff@eroticuniversity.com

(818) 613-9248

Welcome to our special, Halloween edition of the show. If I sound a little tired, it’s because last night was our big Halloween party. We tend to go all out. It takes about two weeks to get all the decorations set. A dozen tubs have to come down from the rafters, plus the larger decorations. This is a Halloween party for swingers, so there are some different considerations. When you do theme decorating, you can’t just do a single room, since you tend to use all of the rooms you have for play space. The main socializing area is the Haunted parlor, with all of the furniture covered in sheets and spooky lighting. The food area is the Séance room. The outdoor patio is set up as a lounge called Skull, with a skull theme and off of that is the spa and firepit. To the right is the graveyard, with lots of headstones and a few of the departed emerging from the ground ready for carnal activity. There are three play rooms, each with room for about four couples (more if people get really friendly)- Hell, with devils and red lighting effects, the Lab, which has a full museum case full of the strange and unusual, the Dungeon, with a large collection of whips and floggers and similar devices decorating the walls. There is also the Alien Abduction Chamber, a more intimate room just for two with strange lighting, glowing and blinking devices, and alien looking vibrators. The problem with your own parties is that you tend to invite the people you like the best. That means lots of girls I want to have sex with, and I have limited time as I also have to host the party. I can’t just be gone in a back room the whole night. So you can see the dilemma and just how tiring all of this is. 

We stick with the Halloween theme throughout the show, starting with scary sex in politics news, and then scary sex in entertainment news. Then we have a feature where we discuss with a number of prominent monsters some of the difficulties they have with women. Finally, as we do from time to time, we have a musical segment that fits in well with our theme. All that and more, on the Jeff Booth Show.

Politics

Since this is our Halloween special, we’ll report on the scariest things happening. For example, the Senate passed the hate crimes legislation that would extend protection to gays and lesbians. Obama says he will sign it. According to the right wing, this means many horrible things for our nation. House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) told The Washington Times that the hate-crimes bill makes him "want to throw up," as opposed to the things done to Matthew Shepard whom the bill was named after. Boehner also noted that it doesn't make sense to prosecute "what we think [criminals] were thinking as opposed to what they did." That is why I am guessing he is planning on promoting the elimination of the crime of attempted murder, because how can we know what they were really thinking? And eliminate first degree murder, because that means you planned it out ahead of time and the state should not try to be reading your mind. REP MICHELE BACHMANN (R-MN) said: I feel that this hate crime legislation could be considered the very definition of tyranny. And REP. GRESHMAN BARRET (R-SC) claimed that it will inhibit religious freedom. None of these claims are scary, because they are all made up. What is scary is that these idiots actually got elected.

And almost as scary as rape is the rape you get from insurance companies afterwards. It is standard practice for emergency rooms to suggest getting HIV drugs just in case. It is a short prophylactic treatment that may keep you from contracting the disease. But, if you have ever used these drugs, insurance companies will refuse to cover you. You are virtually uninsurable as an individual. They don’t care what the reason was, they don’t care that you don’t have HIV. You used the drugs- now you have to pay the price.

We tend to think of indecent exposure as a guy flashing in a subway. I have to wonder how much shock value this even has anymore. And yes, It is especially indecent if the guy has a hardon. But what about a naked guy in his kitchen making coffee who is seen by a little girl and her mother because they take a shortcut across his lawn? Is this even remotely the same thing? That’s the way they are treating it in Springfield, Virginia. You know, the state with the moto Virginia is for Lovers with some of the most backward and draconian anti-sex laws in the union. He faces a year in prison and a $2000 fine. I don’t care what his motives where. If his actions were not explicitly sexual and people could only see him on his property, who cares. Damn kids, stay off my lawn. And really, what the hell has us so freaked out about nudity? Going to jail for simple nudity in your own home- that is scary.

With the two awards Newt Gingrich’s American Solutions for Winning the Future gave out to adult companies, even though they took them back, Allison Vivas of Pink Visual decided to create a similarly lofty award for Newt. It’s the Family Values Porn Fan of the Year Award. And I think Newt should graciously accept it. Sure, since Vivas was one of the recipients of Newts award, and she plans to rescind it as soon as Newt accepts, I still think he should accept. The reason is that he claims the two entrepreneur awards to porn companies were mistakes. That’s a pretty big mistake. It makes you look completely incompetent. And Newt harbors fantasies of becoming president some day. So if he disregards the award, he tacitly admits that he is too incompetent to even run a group giving out awards. And if you can’t even manage that, how can you run a country? How embarrassing would it be under a Gingrich administration if giving out awards was handled as badly. Imagine if a Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching went to climate change denier Senator James Inhofe,  or if the Presidential Medal of Freedom award went to cult leader and Washington Times owner the Rev. Sun Myung Moon? Oh wait. Newt would probably do those intentionally. Now that is scary.

And finally, this is especially scary. In New York, men have been arrested and convicted for violating a law that the New York Supreme Court struck down 26 years ago. Even though the law technically no longer exists- the police have never stopped using it in thousands of cases. How is this even possible? The law was an anti-cruising law, that made it a crime to solicit someone for sex.ot for money. Just because you wanted to have sex with them. It is

Entertainment

And in scary in entertainment, here comes a headline from the Huffington Post: Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009: Sexy Or Scary?  Then follows a number of pictures of women on poles. What is scary is seeing this trend of HuffPo to be like Bill O’Reilly, who constantly runs negative stories on sex just so he can show provocative pictures. Come on. What is scary about pole dancing? This headline might have made sense: 300 Pound Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009: Sexy or Scary? Or this one: Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009 in catfight with María Chapur over Governor Mark Sanford: Sexy Or Scary? But just pole dancing?  No explanation in the pictorial of why pole dancing should be scary.

You see it now and it looks like something someone created as a parody, but it was actually created in the 70’s as the logo for the Catholic Church’s Archdiocesan Youth Commission. It is a black stylized silhouette of a priest holding hands with a white silhouette of a young child, about half his height, standing directly in front of him. The priest has the white collar, so you know he is facing forward, but the child is an ambiguous figure. He could be facing either way. It’s like those three dimensional looking boxes that shift as you stare at them, at first it looks like you are looking into the box, then it looks like you are looking at the outside of the box. This is the same way. At first it looks like the child is facing the priest with his face in the priest’s crotch, then it shifts as you look at it to an image of the child facing away from the priest, with a terrified look on his face. Now that is scary.

Adults with kids have not completely figured out the social etiquette for modern technologies like Facebook. There are some things you just don’t do. You don’t embarrassing messages on their Facebook wall. You don’t friend all your daughter’s friends and try to get them to join a group called What Happens to Loser’s who Try to Date my Daughter. And most of all, you don’t send messages to your daughter describing all of the sexual things you’d like to do to her. Pennsylvania dad John Forehand, who went by the name Big Daddy, corresponded via Facebook with his 13 year old daughter, who was living with her mother. Sure, it was an educational experience for the girl, who had to look up many of the words her father used in describing what he wanted to do with her. But it was also an educational experience for John Forehand, who learned why setting up sexual encounters on the Internet can be as dangerous for adults as it is for kids. Instead of the arranged incestuous afternoon following picking up his daughter after school, he was the one who got picked up and had a less than sexy afternoon in jail. Scary stupid and scary sick.

And in Who is Getting Naked Now, while we celebrate women who chose to undress and share their bodies and sexuality with us, we think having your  privacy invaded and private images get sold or posted on the Internet is scary and wrong. Case in point, Shauna Sands, the fourth ex-wife of Fernando Lamas. Her sex tape with a boyfriend was released by Vivid, and she claims she never signed off on it. She has sex, drips melted ice cream on herself, and plays with sex toys. It is all very staged, and looks about as natural as her breasts. But still, why in the world is it legal to put out sexually explicit material without signed consent? Yes, it is very profitable, and yes, I suspect some people lie when they say they never gave permission, but still.

I never in a million years would have thought that Charlize Theron kissing a girl would be scary, especially that hot little bundle of sexiness, Christina Ricci. In the 2003 film Monster, it kinda was. Finally, though, she kissed a girl where it was not only hot, it made $140,000 for the children’s charity OneXOne. During bidding for a trip to South Africa that included World Cup tickets, a safari and a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, she decided to up the ante and offer a kiss. The winning bidder was a woman, it went on for a full twenty seconds, and it was hot. I like to think we were all winners.

I’ve talked before about how American television never has a major character have an abortion or even consider it. You get pregnant; you are going to have a baby. No question about it. It is still on my DVR, and I have not had a chance to see it yet, but Law and Order: Special Victim’s Unit at least tackled the subject this week. Its basically a riff on the Dr. George Tiller assassination by an anti-abortion terrorist. And while this is only the third time in 20 years that the show has dealt with the topic of abortion, it is also telling that neither the network nor the series producer would discuss the issue with journalists. The show debates both sides of the issue with different characters taking different positions, but even that is enough to trigger the fear of advertisers dropping out. It is just further scary evidence of the amazing success of the anti-abortion movement in intimidating people from even intelligently debating the issue. So, kudos to Law and Order for even broaching the topic.

Halloween

Geoff: This is a special segment on sex and monsters. We are looking at a number of classic monsters and some of the problems that they have with their love lives. You look at most of them and unless they are physically carrying them off, they don’t do too well with women. One of the exceptions to the rule is vampires, who do extremely well with women. And we have with us in studio a vampire who goes by the moniker Chad the Impaler. Welcome to the show.

Chad: Thank you Geoff. I’m very glad to be her.

Geoff: You consider yourself a ladies man, and you do very well with women. To what do you attribute that to?

Chad: My old world charm and sophistication, my good looks, my self confidence, and of course, my hypnotic eyes.

Geoff: Now you tend to go through a lot of women, but you have not found that special someone yet.

Chad: No. To be frank, I am a high energy person, and being with me can be a little draining. So yes, I have had a lot of women and none I have made a real commitment to. But I want to find the right one, and trust me, when I do, it will be forever.

Geoff: Calling in are a number of well-known monsters who have agreed to call in to the show and demonstrate their best pick-up lines and approaches with women. And Chad and I will try and give them a little advice. And on the line is Claude, better known as the invisible man. Okay, Claude, tell us about how you approach women.

Claude. It’s not that I can get by on my good looks. Its hard for people to see the real me. On the plus side, you can imagine that I look like whatever you want me to look like.

Geoff:  Okay, I think the key here is a lack of self-confidence. Women like confidence in a man.

Chad: Yes, it is harder when women can’t see you coming. But seriously, when you are invisible- really hard to do the hypnotic eye thing.

Geoff: On the line now we have Rob. He is a Zombie. So, what’s your deal with women?

Rob: Brains. I want brains. Not too tall. Good looking. Big breasts.

Geoff: Its good to know what you like. But sometimes you can be too specific. You might want to widen your range a little. Now on the line is Frank, better known as Frankenstein’s monster. Your relationships with women have not been fraught with tragedy. You threw a girl into a lake. You had an arranged marriage but she killed herself. You have anger issues. Lot of tough stuff to work through- but apparently you have not even made the first step successfully- actually meeting and talking to women. If you were to approach a woman, what would you say to her?

Frank: Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.

Geoff: Okay, I think part of the problem here is that women like men who are able to express themselves. You need to learn to be a better conversationalist. Have interesting things to say, and listen with interest to what she has to say. Ask questions. Get to know her first. And no throwing in the lake. Anything to add, Chad?

Chad: yes. When you do the hypnotic eye thing, you don’t need to talk as much.

Geoff: Now, also with Frank is Fritz, who works in the field of science in the grave medical acquisition area. Go ahead Frank and put him on. Now, Fritz, tell us about your relationship with women.

Fritz: I enjoy being told what to do. You can ask me anything, and I’ll do it too.

Geoff:

Chad:

Geoff: Not sure who the next caller is since there is no caller ID. Hello, who is this?

Satan: Help me. You must help me. I have been locked into a closet by a madman. He thinks I’m the devil. He thinks that by locking me away here he can keep evil out of the world. He’s crazy. I need you to send someone to let me out!

Geoff: This sounds a lot like Satan, who was on our August 2nd show. Is that you, Satan?

Satan: Uh, no, my name is Sa, suh, Sam. And I need your help. If you let me out, you will be richly rewarded. Anything you want. Would you like to be more popular with members of the opposite sex? Have them throw themselves at you? Any woman you want, down on her knees before you begging for it? I can give you that and more.

Geoff: Uh, actually, I’m pretty happy with the way things are. I get as much sex as I want- and I don’t think I’d like turning the women around me into sex zombies- no offense Rob.

Chad: Besides, all he needs is the hypnotic eye trick.

Satan: I know all about you. Every sick disgusting perverted sexual thing you’ve ever done. I have Internet access in here. I’ll post it all on my MyScarySPace page. I’ll twit it, tweet it, twat it, whatever the hell you call it. Everyone will know every sordiddetail of your sex life.

Geoff: I am pretty open about my sex life. I write about it, I talk about it sometimes on this show. Its already kinda all out there. To me, sex isn’t something to be ashamed of so I don’t really hide it.

Satan: Do you happen to have the number of a good locksmith?

Geoff: Look, I know this is Satan, and last time on the show you came across as just kinda evil. Maybe a little time out will be good for you. An opportunity to think about your life and how lonely and twisted you’ve become. Instead of tricking people out of their souls, maybe you should try winning the heart and soul of a woman who could be a good companion to you. And maybe let you know when you are going too far. And maybe keep you from getting chained up in closets. Relationships can be life changing. They get us to stop thinking just about ourselves and include another person, whose interests we value as much as our own. It could make you a better person, Satan.

That’s all the time we have. Thank you monsters, thank you Chad for being here, and Happy Halloween everyone.

Musical Segment

Every so often on the show we feature a musical segment. Real dolls are lifesize silicone dolls, like the one featured in the movie Lars and the Real Doll. I can’t imagine having sex with one of these things. It would be like making love to a corpse. Very creepy in my mind. Like that serial killer in last week’s episode of Doll House. This song by Jonathon Colton is in the proper Halloween mood, and could have been written about the rather creepy Real Dolls. He kindly made it available for Its called Creepy Doll.