The Jeff Booth Show

Internet Radio with Pictures

Show Transcripts

October 4th, 2009

You can contact us at:

Jeff@eroticuniversity.com

(818) 613-9248

Welcome to the show. This week in politics, we’ll look at the extremes of anti-abortion politics that go way beyond crazy, and a surprising decision in Texas. In our Sexvestigation, we take a closer look at Michael Schwartz, the man behind the straight porn makes you gay claim. In Entertainment, we look at the new television season, the craziness of a former sitcom child star who helped introduce me to my latest love, and conservatives give another entrepreneur award to a sex business. All this and more, on the Jeff Booth Show.

Politics

President Obama is dangerous. Probably the most dangerous man on the planet. Listen to the GOP and he is the first person to incorporate every belief system we abhor, even when those belief systems contradict each other. The first communist, socialist, fascist, Muslim godless racist in chief is, in fact, an enemy of humanity. House Republican member from Arizona Trent Franks tells us so. He said “Obama's first act as president of any consequence, in the middle of a financial meltdown, was to send taxpayers' money overseas to pay for the killing of unborn children in other countries," said Frank. "Now, I got to tell you, if a president will do that, there's almost nothing that you should be surprised at after that. We shouldn't be shocked that he does all these other insane things. A president that has lost his way that badly, that has no ability to see the image of God in these little fellow human beings, if he can't do that right, then he has no place in any station of government and we need to realize that he is an enemy of humanity." Rhetoric of this type sends only one type of message “Somebody needs to string that boy up.”  I have never heard this much inflammatory rhetoric before where the message was essentially we need to stop the president by any means necessary or he will destroy us all. According to critics, the president’s evil knows no limits. So anything is justified. This is the same kind of rhetoric used by the extremist anti-abortion forces that has led to so much destruction and killing.  I don’t think Pelosi was wrong when she expressed concerns about violence. The killing of the census worker was just the beginning.

Remember when Obama and VP Biden went out for a burger together?  Sure, it was controversial, as we learned from Republican critics that he made the decidedly un-American choice of Dijon mustard. But the next time he goes out for a burger, it could be even more horrifying. Technically, he went out for a hamburger, which lacks any ham whatsoever. But the next time, he just might go out for a baby burger, which contains 100% baby.

And no, I am not making this up. Courtesy of Westboro Baptist Church, a church essentially made up of family members, we see on their protest signs a baby in a hamburger bun with the label bitch burger. Now they also get the name wrong, because clearly, it contains absolutely no bitch, but is 100% pure baby. They were out protesting at a Jewish temple, and one of the protestors explained that the sign was inspired by a time in Jewish history when they ate their babies, an accusation also known as blood libel and an historically popular excuse to slaughter Jews. The modern anti-choice movement has used blood libel to demonize those who perform abortions, so the Westboro crowd are not trendsetters here. Anyway, the Westburrowers believe that those fictional times are coming to our current sinful nation.  

On the Westboro site is this important headline- “All the ways the citizens of doomed Amerca (that’s the way they spell it-without the i), All the ways the citizens of doomed Amerca do and further will eat their children (okay, let me try this again- English may be a second language for them) All the ways the citizens of doomed Amerca do and further will eat their children aka this nation is about to dine on some bitch burgers, Obama fries, both these dripping with your bloody catsup and slut shakes all going to make up your stem cell supper.”

How can it be a stem cell supper if there are no stem cells? Not even as an appetizer. I am not down with eating babies, but I am intrigued by the slut shake. So we debut this Westboro Baptist Church inspired joke. Do you know how to make a slut shake? Give her a terrific orgasm.

A new graphic from the latest American Family Association alert- The letter D, then a picket fence, and below that, the words “of marriage” Next to this is an icon of a man and woman holding hands, I’m guessing. It could also be a cross-dressed man. But what is the reason for using the fence. That has nothing to do with gays. Sure, d- FENCE, I get it, but surely there must be more symbolism to it than that. Ah, it makes sense. They are using this to go after the bisexuals, whom they clearly see as still sitting on the fence.

Here’s a shocker. Texas leads the country in the money it spends on abstinence only education, and comes in number three with the number of teen pregnancies. That’s not the shocker- you could have predicted that. The shocker is that they have decided that abstinence only education does not work all that well and they are moving away from it.

Abortion opponents in both the House and the Senate are trying to ensure that millions of middle- and lower-income people who might receive federal insurance subsidies to help them buy health coverage are unable to purchase plans that cover abortion. This is make or break for a lot of them. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has said it would oppose health care reform if it does not exclude abortion coverage. Sure, why not eliminate abortion services for the poor so that taxpayers can pick up the much larger bill for their pregnancy and for the possibility of having to pay to raise the kid. Plus other anti-choice organizations are working to oppose health care reform in general. For those who claim the mantle of being so-called “right to lifers”, it seems ironic that you don’t hear of any of these anti-choice groups strongly supporting health care reform, despite the fact that getting people health care does a hell of a lot for people’s actual lives. People with decent health care tend to die a lot less. They even give birth to healthier babies. In fact, it seems they would universally rather kill health care reform if it does not give them what they want- eliminating abortion services from health care plans. SO much for their concern for the post-born. Another irony is that not a single anti-choice group has jumped into the debate to argue for including insurance coverage for anyone who gives birth to a child with a serious birth defect or condition. These people who are so burdened should not also have to bear the incredible financial burden of such a child. Sure, the anti-choicers want to force these people to have these babies no matter how badly deformed or disabled. Paying for their care- well I guess that was also God’s plans for the parents to stick them with the bill. Their God is a real asshole. Or maybe they are just projecting. And speaking of assholes, that brings us to the Senate Finance Committee, composed of some of the biggest assholes in the Senate, both Democrat and Republican. They passed an amendment by Senator Orrin hatch to reinstate Abstinence Only educations funding. Even Texas realized that this was a failure. Democratic Senators Blanche Lincoln (Ark.) and Kent Conrad (N.D.) joined all of the Republicans in voting for it. The amendment provides $50 million dollars a year, but that money can not be spent on doing things like teaching kids about contraception. These asswipes must really get off on the idea of pregnant little girls. Is this some kind of sick fetish they have?

Does the National review have even a shred of credibility left? Not when they have people like this working for them. Their columnist, John Derbyshire, has written a new book called We Are Doomed: Reclaiming Conservative Pessimism, in which he argues that women should not have the right to vote because they tend to be progressive instead of conservative. On the Colmes talk show, he said that we would be a better country if women’s right to vote were revoked, and while we are at it, why not get rid of the 1964 Civil Rights Act. I’m guessing he is going to argue for the return of slavery next. How can clowns like these be treated as anything but laughing stocks, instead of given media access? Or is it a left wing conspiracy to give air time to conservatives to make them look like absolute idiots?

Or is it really a crafty Republican plot to make the majority of far right Republicans look less extreme by comparison? What else could explain Michelle Bachman? And her latest, a rant on the House floor about how school based health clinics, a proposed part of health care reform, will in actuality be sex clinics and secret abortion mills, shuttling young girls off to abortions behind their parents backs. Compared to that, Obama’s birth certificate controversy seems slightly less insane.

Sexvestigation

In this Sexvestigation, I have a confession. I am gay. I am so gay. And I never even realized it. Oh, sure, I don’t find men all that sexually appealing, and my eyes still autolocate to the site of any nude female breast, but according to Michael Schwartz, the chief of staff for Sen. Tom Coburn, I must be the gayest gay in gaytania. Because according to him, in a speech at the Values Voter Summit, watching heterosexual porn makes you gay. And trust me, I have watched a lot of heterosexual porn. I wrote reviews of porn films for a few years. I’ve pretty much seen it all. Which clearly means, I am gay. And sadly, according to Michael Schwartz, watching gay porn isn’t going to make me straight, because it makes you gay too.

Schwartz said “One of the temptations that your sons are going to run into is pornography. Pornography is a blight. It is a disaster. It is, it is one of those silent diseases in our society that we haven’t been able to overcome very well. Now, I may be getting politically incorrect here. But one — It’s been a few years, not that many, since I was closely associated with pre-adolescent boys, boys who are like 10 to 12 years of age. But it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.”

Let me interject here for a moment. Yes, it might be politically incorrect talking about how just a few years ago you were closely associated with adolescent boys. You make that sound really creepy. And you generally don’t turn to 12 year old attitudes about sex to hold up as examples.

Schwartz continues” “I had a very good friend who was in the homosexual lifestyle for a long time and then he had a religious conversion in the eighties… He was able to resist sin. But he wasn’t healed enough to take on the responsibilities of marriage. And he was a brilliant man in the sense that he knew himself. And he knew his limits. And he and I had good conversations about, about the malady that he suffered. And one of the things that he said to me, that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark. He said, “all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.

I am imagining that conversation between father and son.

Son: “Dad, I really want to look at a Playboy magazine.”

Dad: “Son, we really need to have a chat about pornography. I was hoping to avoid this until after we had the chat about human reproduction when you turn 18, but you force me into it. Looking at pictures of people having sex makes you turn inward. It makes you gay.”

Son: “Playboy has pictures of people having sex? I thought it was just naked girls.”

Dad: “Well, technically yes, but you see…”

Son: “Well then no Dad, I have definitely lost interest in Playboy. What I really want to see is some of this pornography stuff!”

Getting back to the porn makes you gay thing, I’m still trying to figure out how this works exactly. You start using your hand on yourself, and your hand suddenly says “Hey there, big fella”. And your penis decides it likes the touch of a man hand.  And before you know it, they are seeing each other pretty seriously. The problem with Schwartz’s theory is that penises are not naturally monogamous. They want to see other people. And for most penises, those other people are female, no matter how close he became with Mr. hand.

So who is this Michael Schwartz? He works for Senator Tom Coburn, who despite having a medical degree, is one of the most ignorant people on the hill when it comes to sex. Coburn supports executions for abortion providers, he is a leading opponent of birth control and sees little difference between it and abortion, and he tried to get scary warning labels on condoms which he claims don’t work. He claims the greatest threat to America is the gay agenda, and he made the patently false claim that lesbianism was so out of control at an Oklahoma school that the girls could only go into the bathroom one at a time. So Michael Schwartz has found the perfect place to work. He gets paid 130 grand a year to be as crazy as his boss.

Despite his seeming fondness for hanging around young boys, or the question of whether he has ever tested his theory that showing a young boy a Playboy will make him more open to adult male seduction, Schwartz is obsessed with homosexuality. He was horrified that the Supreme Court gave Americans "the right to commit buggery” when the court struck down the Texas anti-sodomy law. In 1987, he co-wrote Gays, AIDS, and You, a book alleging that homosexuals were "using the AIDS crisis to pursue [their] political agenda." At the time, their main political agenda was to deal with the AIDS crises that was killing them.

Back to the Values Summit, he also claimed that making children pray to God every night and praise their parents would enforce the notion of marriage. He also said that welfare and government acceptance of homosexuality were costing America its prosperity. It apparently had nothing to do with the financial meltdown- it was the poor and the fags.

But this little reported comment he made during his speech on the topic of the New Masculinity takes us into new and uncharted territories of strangeness. He is talking about what he did for a living right before going back to work for Tom Coburn. Schwartz said “And in light of the topic of this panel, it’s most ironic because for those four years I was a Concerned Woman for America. And I used to tell people, if you looked like me, you’d be a concerned woman too. Now, now I’m totally unconcerned, so much so that I’m not even a woman.” I am not sure if he was trying to be funny, or insightful.

Entertainment

Indian giver is a really politically incorrect term. It comes from the practice of native Americans who, when they gave something, expected something in return. When they gave something to new arrivals, they thought of it as barter. We thought of it as saving us from the inconvenience of just having to take it. But still, I can’t think of another expression that aptly describes Newt Gingrich’s Business Defense and Advisory Council, which has a habit of giving out Entrepreneur awards and then taking them back. Last month the Entrepreneur of the Year award went to Allison Vivas of Pink Visual, a well known porn company, which was noted for stimulating the economy. Well, they were stimulating something. When that got publicity, the award was revoked. This month, they’ve revoked an entrepreneur award they gave to the Lodge, one of Virginia’s best known topless bars. I’m guessing that next month, they’ll revoke an award to Diamond Jazz, Dallas’ leading pimp who really knows how to bitch slap the ho’s and keep them in line. Or maybe that one they’ll be okay with. 

Microsoft is encouraging customers to host Windows 7 launch parties. They have lots of suggestions for making the party more fun. They even have host notes you can download and videos. Over 100 videos in fact on their Launch Party channel, in English, French, Japanese, and Italian. I’m going to suggest a few additional ideas. They first suggest taking photos during the party, especially early on, with a digital camera and then displaying them on the computer. My suggestion is to make sure you use the flash option. Get people to flash. Then the pictures will actually be interesting to look at. They suggest that once everyone is settled, you lead an overview of some of your favorite Windows 7 features. I’d lead off with how well it works with the Microsoft Bing search engine, one of the best tools to find free porn on the Internet ever invented. Show off the speech recognition by teaching it dirty words and what to do when you say them. Make a video call to a stripper. The games they suggest are pretty lame- like stitching together pictures for a panorama. Not really sure how that is a game. Here is a better one. Have a couple go into a closet together with an older Windows XP laptop. Their assignment is to install Windows 7 on it. If they come out frustrated and unhappy, that means they actually tried to install Windows 7 on an older machine. Everyone laughs at them because they should have used the time to make out. After the formal part of the party, they suggest you leave the computer on and running and just let folks mess around with it. My suggestion is that while some mess around with the computer, everyone else should mess around with each other. There is a fatal flaw to my suggestions to spice up this launch party. The guys who would actually host a party like this, probably don’t know any girls to invite. I am apparently not the only one who thought this sounded more like a sex party. Cabel put up a YouTube video called its party time that edits the original Microsoft video with a few bleeps that make it sound more like the kind of party I might actually want to attend.

Ah, the new fall television season. And I just saw what is probably one of the worst premises for a show, ever. I like Jenna Elfman, but “Accidentally on Purpose” made me cringe. She has sex with a younger man, gets knocked up, and as is typical of television, she decides to keep the baby. Because on t.v., they can never even mention the word abortion, and even when it is lightly hinted at, the pregnant woman always rolls her eyes as if that is the most insane suggestion anyone ever made. As, of course, happens on this show. And, for reasons that only exist in the world of television, they guy who got her pregnant moves in with her, for what will be a strictly platonic relationship. This is a first- a couple moving in together to not have sex. Only in the world of American television.

The only show I have seen that included the topic of abortion was the summer science fiction space series Defying Gravity, which is already off the air with ABC apparently canceling the series before its end and one episode before the big reveal of the mysteries of the show. And the only reason, I suspect, that abortion was included was because it was not strictly a U.S. production but intended as a multinational production. A potential astronaut has sex with a man who supposedly had a vasectomy, gets pregnant anyway, and has an abortion so she can continue with her training. Other than that, you don’t see abortion even discussed on television series. The anti-choice crowd apparently controls television, has shut down most clinics in this country making it hard for many in the country to even get to a clinic, has put onerous restrictions on clinics, and has managed to limit health care coverage to just 50 percent of health plans, and is working hard to eliminate it from the rest if they get their version of a health care plan that eliminates abortion. I’m thinking they sort of won, kicked our asses, and realistically got most of what they want short of an outright ban. Which may explain why they are now working on phase 2, eliminating contraception- an important goal for almost all anti-choice groups.

Then I flipped past Toddlers and Tiaras, featuring girls too young even for Roman Polanski. And I was trying to think about jokes that would make this even more perverse, such as a swim suit competition for the toddlers- then they actually had a swim suit competition for the toddlers. What the hell? The women on this show made traditional stage mothers look almost normal. The creepy factor shot through the roof, especially when the moms and kids are talking about the little girls shaking their booties. What is wrong with this people? After about ten minutes I exceeded even my strong tolerance for perversity. I was watching it primarily to get some jokes out of it and I got too creeped out by this bizarre sexualization of little tiny girls.

And who would have thought that crazy ass former actor and now preacher Kirk Cameron could get me to fall in love. But he did. Cameron was the kid actor on the TV show Growing Pains, where he was, by all accounts, a pain. He was a newly converted Christian who literally became a holy terror. But now he is a religious loony shilling for the anti-evolution crowd. He is involved in a project to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the publication of Charles Darwin's The Origin of Species by giving away copies of Darwin’s Origins of the Species with a 50 page intro calling it all bunk and accusing Darwin of being a woman hating racist. I’ve read books of pseudoscience with a scientific intro putting the book into perspective, but this is the first time I’ve seen a great work of science with a pseudoscience intro.

Cameron is also featured in an inadvertently hysterical video on YouTube with his much older mentor Ray Comfort. It is called the Atheist’s Nightmare, sometimes called Kirk Cameron and his Bananas, or as I call it, Ray Comfort teaches Kirk Cameron how to hold his banana. Kirk just watches as Ray shows him how the banana fits perfectly in the hand, and shows how God has designed it perfectly for ease of human holding, opening, and eating. It even has an easy open tab on top. Ray says, “When you pull the tab, the contents don’t squirt in your face. Notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry. It’s just the right shape for the human mouth, and is even curved towards the face to make the whole process so much easier.” Kirk just nods, and shifts uncomfortably in his tight slacks. This is his proof of God. He offers no explanation for the pomegranate, though. When it was explained to Ray that the modern shape of the banana came through hybridization, not God’s design, he claimed that it was still proof, because God gave man the knowledge and ability to modify it. But that makes it sound more like man is God, since man made the perfect banana. Too bad God did not give us the knowledge all at once so it did not have to take thousands of years for us to hybridize it into its current form.

Cameron was a total terror on the Growing Pains set, insisting that everything be up to his lofty holier than thou standards, constantly demanding that scripts be rewritten to avoid any adult themes. He refused to do a scene where he was lying on a bed with a girl- even though the scene portrayed a school play. He called the three executive producers on the show pornographers. He forced the firing of Julie McCullough, who played his fiancée, so they had to rewrite her standing him up at the later. The reason was because he found out that she had posed for Playboy long before taking the Growing Pains gig.

Getting back to my original point, about Kirk helping me, fall in love. Through him, I was directed to a YouTube video called the origin of Stupididty, a Romanian young woman named Kristina, who also goes by the nickname Carina, who is funny, bright, sexy, and has very intelligent commentary on idiocies espoused by people like Cameron and other Christian science deniers. And she has her own YouTube channel under the name Zomgits, and she is both very sexy, very entertaining, and very far way, damnit. So thanks, Kirk, you not only entertained me with your stupidity, but you also turned me on to a woman who really turnd me on.