The Jeff Booth Show

Internet Radio with Pictures

Show Transcripts

June 28th , 2009

You can contact us at:

Jeff@eroticuniversity.com

(818) 613-9248

Welcome. I got to spend the night with the adorable adult star Sunny Lane this week. Actually, it was on an airplane. I had not planned on it, but I was on the set for Will Ryder’s new comedy porn movie Flight Attendants. And the plane wasn’t going anywhere- it was in Pacoima- a full mock-up of a plane used for film shoots.  Things got behind and late and the director needed some bodies to fill the plane. I became one of those bodies. It ran until after 2 in the morning. Even the ever Sunny Sunny Lane was a little less Sunny after the many 18 hour days. This week I talk to a couple of the stars of the movie, which features a huge cast of many of the top adult stars in the business. I had to find a couple who were not completely exhausted from the unusually rigorous shoot, though.

Plus we have my commentary on the Mark Sanford affair, the hazards of infidelity and why we may be thinking about extramarital affairs in a counterproductive way.

Sexvestigation

While everyone was wondering for days on end, we did not realize we were playing where in the world is South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. And the claim that he was hiking on the Appalachian trail, ditching his wife and four kids on father’s day, while it was nude hiking day on the Appalachian trail- for comedians it was just too easy. And sure, lots of jokes were made about him off having an affair- but few including me thought that anyone so in the public limelight would so publicly ditch their family to go have sex with their mistress. I guess I didn’t know Mark Sanford.

I was as shocked as everyone else during his press conference where he revealed his affair with a woman living in Argentina. Sure, he did not force his wife to stand next to him in humiliation, but that was primarily because she wasn’t speaking to him at the time. And he did come clean about his affair, but that was only because a newspaper had emails between he and his mistress.

Mark Sanford is a classic political hypocrite. He has condemned many others in public office for their affairs while talking about the need for moral legitimacy in public office. And he has exceptionally poor judgment- governors don’t just get to disappear for a week- he had actually planned to be gone for ten days. This after his wife kicked him out, asked for a temporary separation, and made him vow to stop seeing this woman. She never imagined he would decide he needed ten days with his mistress to break it off, if that is what he was doing and not trying to convince her to be the next Mrs. Mark Sanford. His poor judgment is no surprise- this is a guy who fought relentlessly against government bail out money that will provide desperately needed jobs in his state.

And leaving without turning over authority to the Lt. Governor may have violated the law, and his having sex with a woman other than his wife certainly violated South Carolina’s antiquated  adultery law. Technically, he could get a minimum of six months in jail for having repeated sex with another woman. Apparently under South Carolina law, one night stands don’t count. And he had to go all the way to Argentina? Isn’t this is a guy who believes we should buy American. Yes, he is a hypocritical dick with little compassion for others and extremely poor judgment. But still, I feel a little sorry for him.

From the emails between Maria and him, it is clear that he fell in love with her. I suspect that after his wife kicked him out he went to Argentina to see if Maria would take him. Maybe give up everything and come back to South Carolina and make a life with him there as the new first lady. He was originally scheduled for a full 10 days there to plead his case. Apparently she didn’t, which explains why he referred to his trip as one where he spent it crying.

Here is the problem. Adultery and affairs are devastating to families because we deal with them like children. People will have affairs. It is built-in to our DNA. Monogamy is a difficult road that a large percentage of people do not stay on.

I am, after having been with my wife since we were teenagers, still passionately in love with her. She was away all last week and I missed her a lot. It was pathetic. But I have also been in love with other women while I was married to her. For many of you, that seems like a contradiction.

In English, we have a single word for love. It’s a failing in our language, as there are many different types of love. The deep and abiding love I have for my wife is something I would not trade for anything in the world. It is something that has established deep roots over a long period of time. It is not something that could be quickly recreated.

But we do have an open relationship. We have enjoyed love affairs with others. Just as you love your children in a different way than you love your spouse, you can love others in an adult way that is very different from the love of a committed long term relationship. It can enrich your life.

In our case, it is something we do openly, without deception, without jealousy, and while carefully guarding against its taking away anything from our relationship. I am in no position to judge others who do not have the same openness we have but still indulge in affairs.

I am strongly pro-marriage, but there are good reasons for divorce. Drug problems, alcoholism, abuse, and just being miserable and fighting all the time are good reasons to split up, because everyone in the family is negatively impacted by it, including the kids. But it seems like in this country the only thing that is truly unforgivable is an affair.

Most people react to the affair of a partner as if it is all about them. The response tends to be incredibly narcissistic.  It triggers jealousy and insecurity. It triggers hurt and anger. And sure, the deception part is hurtful, but in a relationship, it is never all about one person.

When we first got married, I told Kris that I would do my best to be faithful, but if I ever had an affair, I would tell her and we would work it out, because I did not want a relationship based on lies and mistrust. I had opportunities, but I never slipped, and she never had to worry about me cheating behind her back.

I remember a trip to Chicago in my show business days, and I was working with a sexy and talented singer and songwriter. We really hit it off, even going so far as a nighttime stroll holding hands and talking. But it went no further, even though I suspected it might have if I had made a move. I never saw her again, and it was my loss. We might have had a great friendship, but the risk of it becoming sexual scared me away. And I suspect the sex would have been great.

I never had sex with another woman until we mutually decided to open up our relationship and explore sexually. And that has been one of the richest and most rewarding experiences either of us could have imagined. And it may be hard for some to understand, but it has deepened our relationship while allowing us to become intimately and deeply involved with others. It is our connections with others that make life so rich.

But what if I had slept with that woman in Chicago? Would Kris have left me? I don’t think so, but what a shame had a great marriage been thrown away over it. We are human, and we seek contact with others. Sometimes that becomes sexual. A more mature and deeper understanding of love and sex and its many levels could save a lot of marriages.

I am not saying that people should have a license to cheat when the agreement is to remain monogamous- but people are imperfect. They sometimes give in to impulses- and sex is one of the strongest impulses there is.

Having an affair does not mean that there is necessarily something wrong with the marriage, or that the person is unhappy with their partner, or even that there are sexual problems in the relationship. People have affairs for a lot of reasons- many of them having nothing to do with their spouse. It is huge ego boost, and can increase sexual self-esteem. Yes, people feel hurt and betrayed by it, but the emotional response is often way out of proportion to the actual damage done. As a society, we buy in to too many myths about monogamy and sexuality.

I hope that Mark Sanford and his wife use this as an opportunity to strengthen their marriage. I believe in marriage. I also believe he should resign as governor, because he is clearly an idiot. He needs to stop seeing this other woman and focus on his marriage. He needs to realize that affairs are intense and exciting but almost never turn into something that replaces a marriage with a family. She seems to be much more mature about this than he is and seems to realize that he is an idiot who made huge errors in judgment. But part of marriage is forgiveness, and she seems to understand that. If we are going to talk about traditional family values, working to preserve marriages seems like a good place to start.